A year ago, I felt like I made one of the hardest decisions of my life. I ended a six year relationship with someone who I envisioned my entire life with, had a Pinterest board for our future wedding and was pretty much crushed when it was all over.
As hard as it was to close that chapter in my life, it may have been one of the best things that could have happened to me as a young adult. Not because my ex was anything awful to me, because he really wasn’t. It simply was because through the challenges of learning how to move on, I found myself, learned to love myself and grew into the person I believe I’m meant to be today.
The truth is, breakups suck. They hurt and there were many moments when I wondered if I’d ever heal but I’m here to share it does get better, all it takes is time. This is my story, how I conquered it and hopefully my experience can bring that light at the end of the tunnel for you. I’m sharing what’s helped me in hopes that after you read this, you can find your path to healing too.
Cry It All Out
You’re human! And anyone who tells you that shedding tears are any signs of weakness is either insensitive or simply ignorant. Crying is healthy, liberating and when you’re done, you’ll feel a whole lot better! Take this moment to lay out the pros and cons, accept there were amazing memories but understand why it ended. We often underestimate the power of reflection with empathy, and although it may not come easy, it’s these moments that help us grow.
Surround Yourself With Friends
See these girls up here? Or even the ones all over my IG stories, 24/7? Those are truly my best friends for life. Before I made that heart wrenching decision, I gave all my girlfriends the heads up about a choice I felt like I needed to make and simply said, “I’m really going to need your support,” because at the time it felt like a choice I didn’t think I could over come without a support system so close to me.
Being by their side as I healed enlightened me because your friends SHOULD be your damn life cheerleaders. Your friends are there to tell you all the amazing things you didn’t know about yourself, what you have to offer to the world and remind you of how amazing you truly are. That’s everything my friends did for me over countless brunch dates, brow appointments and nights in — and out! Good people are out there to help you and it’s times like these that really bring people who are meant to be in your life a lot closer.
Slowly build your own routine
It takes a breakup to sometimes realize how reliant you become of a person and I’ll admit, I was once that girl who was guilty af of this. Transparently, mornings were rough for me when the break up was all fresh. I remember wondering if this was all just a bad dream that I couldn’t wake up from. But after a month of the self pity, I realized that routine got draining, so I started looking into healthy distractions.
Across my searches I found an ad for a personal trainer agency; and developing a healthy lifestyle seemed like the perfect healthy distraction to me. A year later I’ve been super focused on my health like no other and the return of investment has been truly unreal. I adopted a new routine where I mediate daily, work out 3-4 times a week and slowly transitioned to eating super healthy thanks to my trainers and nutrition coaches!
If you’re in a slump, I’d suggest looking into doing something that makes you happy, and once you discover what that is, do lots of it! When you begin to consume a huge chunk of your time doing positive things, it brings your mind to a place of peace… or at least it did for me.
Cut all ties… ONLY, when you’re ready
Cutting all ties is probably the toughest part. Some do it right away, others do it slowly over time. I remember how many people wanted me to do it immediately, but I believe that we know when that time is “the time” for us. Keeping your ex on social media and watching their photos, or stories pop up on your feed DOES in fact make it a lot more difficult to move on, and it may potentially trigger thoughts of the past, but this is your breakup and your life. When you chose to eliminate all traces of a person, is up to you.
Date and Learn
Same with cutting all ties, you’ll know when you’re ready to get back out there. But when you do, just know there might be encounters that are awful, great and some that were good but simply weren’t meant to be. Just because you just got over a breakup, it doesn’t mean you won’t hurt again, and I think I’d be lying if I told you otherwise. Take each new encounter as an experience and be patient because this is the part where you learn what you want in your ideal partner.
I’ll Leave You With This…
Some days will be harder than others and at times it may seem like this phase of aching and reminiscing will never end, but I promise you it all does get better. And perhaps the people we are searching for to be with, are out there too searching for us, but until then I believe we need to continue working on loving ourselves enough that when that special someone comes along, we can truly love them too.